An "I didn't think I could do that!" moment...

I love children! They have no inhibitions; if they want to try something they do it with no care or concern that they might fail or popular opinion! Every day is an adventure, every failure a discovery of, 'what not to do when I try that again in a minute experience. Popular opinion bares no relevance, offence is not something they understand and fear is not in their vocabulary. So they march through life, like 'mini' Rambo's, taking no prisoners in the adventure called life. Children as a result, develop rapidly, take everything in their stride, and adapt to change easily, recover quicker and have so much more fun! 

The problem is they grow up! Once intrinsically fearless and adventurous, now cautious, predictable, triple insured (not that insurance in and of itself is bad) and busy concerning themselves with the opinion of others and 'how I will look if I...' In a nutshell, socially conditioned! Social conditioning can be understood as representing the role of 'Nurture' in the Nature vs. Nurture debate [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_conditioning]  

Social conditioning introduces us to limitations; highlighting the genuine and creating the imagined. I will take the liberty of classifying limitations accordingly; 'genuine' and 'created'. A genuine limitation for example is that a day is only 24 hours long so whatever you plan to achieve, it needs to be done in that window of opportunity. A created limitation for example is that you are born to do or be one specific thing; in schools this is supported by children being assessed and then being directed down the "sciences" or "arts" routes of education. Limitation can be defined as a limiting condition; restrictive weakness; lack of capacity; inability or handicap [ http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/limitation]. Genuine limitations are simply challenges and there is often a way to overcome them or operate within them. 

The real stumbling block is created limitations. These are the things that we are told from a young age, they can appear positive as well as negative but the result is the same, boxing you into a specific role function or journey and the result can often feel like entrapment for some who eventually rebel and choose to completely change their lives and re-invent themselves. The majority of us are not so fortunate... We live our lives in 'boxed limitation'  in the form of our race, nationality, geographical location, career paths, self-expression, relationships and worst of all fear of being different in a world governed by social norms... Who is to say that we have to choose between being an artist and a business person? Or be a philosopher and a surgeon? Why is it that we have to work in a job for life and then die? Surely the life choices of our friends and families should not hinder us from venturing out and beyond? Does one need to be exceedingly gifted at a particular discipline in order to pursue it? And if one is indeed so gifted does that mean they are destined to pursue only that discipline, ignoring any other inclination they may have towards something else? 

It is often the little things that social conditioning robs us of the most through the avenue of fear... Fear of failure being the chief of these. My mum taught me the basic fundamentals of cooking and baking. There are in baking as there are in all things, levels of skill and for me, the true test of a baker is the quality and ability to make chocolate cake. A test I have been petrified of taking for fear of failure. It’s been like that for over a decade! Silly really I know because I can make other cakes, but in my own personal 'social conditioning', a true baker must be able to make a chocolate cake. Lately as I have been pondering this very topic, I have started to challenge anything that I did not make a conscious informed decision about. Anything I did because 'that’s what is expected' or 'has always been done that way'. I am pleased to report that I embarked on a journey of no return, throwing caution to the wind and make, you guessed it! a chocolate cake...

                                   














This is it! a slice of my chocolate cake!!!

A limitation in law refers to; the assignment, as by statute, the period of time assigned: a statute of limitations. A far more positive interpretation on the word than in everyday life as it indicates a time limit within which a state of being can exist. Thereafter, things change... In the spirit of the law in putting an end to a claim after a limited period. 

I propose a limitation on the influence of social conditioning from this point on. Having had this imposition on our freedom to be all we can be; let us move forward, clear out of the boxes that have imprisoned us and stunted our growth and venture out into the world of possibilities and do all the things we just didn't think we had the skill, ability, breeding or option to do! 

Live a life without borders...

Strength thy name is Mother

Mum & me at her MBA graduation ceremony 

The modern Mother's Day is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, often in March or May, as a day to honour mothers and motherhood.


Mother's Day is a day when we pause and remember our mum's and send them cards, flowers, chocolate and other sweet gifts to show them we appreciate them. When I thought about this earlier I considered what my mum has done over the years, being a wife, raising six children, a God fearing woman, an entrepreneur,  professional working full time whilst achieving an MBA & PHD. My mum is amazing, because she does a lot but she always puts my Dad and her children first. 


When I think of my personal relationship with my Mum, I appreciate most how she has always challenged me to be the best version of myself, pushed me beyond the short sighted limitations I set for myself, dreamed big dreams for me and never stopped believing in or praying for me. I must be honest in that I have not always understood my mother; when I was a teenager we were forever at odds because I was head strong and pig headed and wanted to do things my way. I remember the time my Mum grounded me the day before I was to go out with a girlfriend who ended up wrapping her dad's car around a tree and the girl who went in my place was in intensive care for months and it took years from her life... I remember my Mum starting a florist shop and making me run it during my school holidays developing the entrepreneur she could see within me. It was my Mum who thought I could handle Australia on my own at 16 and Mum who sacrificed me going to her father's funeral so I could have a life changing experience that has brought me to the place I am now... I was mad at her through most of that and regrettably showed her such disrespect when I was ready simply because I never took the time to understand her then... 


As I have gotten older and have had a real exposure to different cultures and peoples in a foreign land,  I find myself referring back constantly to my mother, not so much what she said then (because I was too busy rebelling to listen) but to the testimony of her life, the way she lives. Coming home from her high powered job and putting her apron on to cook and feed her husband and family, washing my dad's clothes at the weekend rather than leaving the maid to do it, waking up at 5am to pray for the family and tend to her vegetable garden before preparing for work, making sure that if there was a good bargain going she would grab it and help my Dad keep the fridge and freezer full. She took us as children and dared to dream for better lives for us than we could ever have dreamed for ourselves, beyond our capabilities and limitations and she set the wheels in motion to make it happen (every one of my siblings has a story to tell). 


When I think of how to be a business woman, a wife, a mother, the one to aspire to be is not a person I met along the way or a character in a story or the ideal society portrays; no I choose my Mum every time because she is indeed a real life Proverbs 31 woman and I am indeed blessed as my whole family is to have such an example of strength and beauty amongst us...She is as fierce as a lioness and will defend her family at all cost. She is as gentle as a dove,  gently encouraging us and soothes us. I have so often longed for my Mum during the worst of my sickness this last year, she always had a way with me when I was sick, with her partner in crime (Daddy) they would conspire about ways to make me feel better and take turns to sit with me or pick me up form school...the time I had the mumps comes to mind, a classic example of their team work to get me back on my feet. 


So what is it that makes my imperfect human flawed mother so special and seemingly flawless and incredibly priceless to her family? Its a mother's love, there is nothing quite like it! My Dad shared with me once when my Mum was away on business about how they met and what it was that pulled his heart towards her and i'm sure as its mothers day he wont mind me sharing (thanks Daddy :-) .
Well, the scene is Zambia, about 32years ago my Dad a dashing young lawyer driving home form work to his three children having sadly lost his first wife...He was thinking to himself, how am I going to cope? What happens now? then he sees this vision of loveliness on the road side flagging down a lift and he drives past! But as he looks in his rear view mirror for a second look, he notices her legs and stops! (its fair to say my Dad has great taste and i am pleased to report that I inherited an exact replica of those legs!) Anyway, he reverses and asks where she is going and she says (cant remember where) He offers her a lift but says that he has to drop off some meat to his house so his house help could start cooking dinner for his children. They get to the house and as per normal fashion my older siblings come running out having been playing in the garden, covered in every debris to be found in the brown and muddy outdoors where a group of adventurous children would play. At the site of them my dad gets nervous wondering what my mum was making of his parenting skills with his children in such a state...Having been given the background about his first wife's passing;  my mother's response was to started to shed a few tears as she offered up a whispered prayer for these children who at such a young age had to lose their mum. She then offered to stay for a while and cook for the family (my Dad's house help was a young man so there was room for a ladies touch). It was much later,  having re-arranged a time to give my mum a lift to where she was going that day, did  my dad find out just how big that gesture was. My mum was on the way to pick up her daughter whom she had left with friends for a few days that had turned into a few weeks as she was struggling to find accommodation for them having recently become a single mother. At that moment I believe, my Dad fell in love with my Mum and then embraced my sister and loved her as his own. That very night my sister moved into my Dad's house and three became four as a whirlwind romance and courtship ensued. Soon after their marriage took place,  four became five and two years later I became six...

When I think of the ideal woman I strive to become in  my relationships, in my work ethic, in my faith, I never have to look further than my very own living Proverbs 31 woman, my Mum! Happy mother's day Mummy! 

Proverbs 31: 10-31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
       She is worth far more than rubies.
 ¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
       and lacks nothing of value.
 ¹² She brings him good, not harm,
       all the days of her life.
 ¹³ She selects wool and flax
       and works with eager hands.
 ¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
       bringing her food from afar.

 ¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
       she provides food for her family
       and portions for her servant girls.
 ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
       out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
 ¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
       her arms are strong for her tasks.
 ¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
       and her lamp does not go out at night.
 ¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
       and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 ²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor

       and extends her hands to the needy.
 ²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
       for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
 ²² She makes coverings for her bed;
       she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
 ²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
       where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
 ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
       and supplies the merchants with sashes.
 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.
 ²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
       and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 ²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
       and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 ²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
       her husband also, and he praises her:
 ²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
       but you surpass them all."
 ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
       but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
 ³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
       and let her works bring her praise at the city gate

New beginnings...

(New) Beginnings: the point at which something begins; a rudimentary stage or early period (usually used in plural)

Pain: An unpleasant sensation that can range from mild, localized discomfort to agony. Pain has both physical and emotional components.

Novel: new and not resembling something formerly known or used; original or striking especially in conception or style

The beginning of life (or a new chapter in life) is always met with a sense of unease at the unknown. One thing we do know is that it will be anything other than the former things that are familiar. The thought of new beginnings always takes me back to the beginning of human life, child birth. Consider with me the process involved in bringing a new life into this world. There is preparation as the baby turns and engages the birth canal and the mum's body prepares to guide baby through. Then the games begin! I have to admit that I am single and childless and really want children BUT, in the last seven years I have developed a bit of a hobby of collecting the worst birth experiences of my friends and family and even strangers! I know it sounds a bit insane but when I started I thought that by being confronted with the reality of childbirth it would take away the fear...well I WAS WRONG!!! I am now suitable petrified! 

The truth it would seem is that childbirth is painful, feels unnatural and there is a foreign entity that has taken over your body leaving you with little control, if any during the event. Did I mention the PAIN? The purpose with which God added physical pain to out make up is to warn us of impending injury, or injury that has already occurred, basically a warning to beware. The word "pain" comes from the Latin "poena" meaning a fine, a penalty. In our context however, pain refers to the ushering in of new beginnings. Why? you may ask; because there will always be a measure of pain or discomfort in change, usually the more pain the bigger the change. 

Imagine how inconvenient childbirth is for the baby! It has got to be a pretty good deal living in a warm climate, food brought to you, waste taken away, you can sleep all you want to, no bills, not pressure, no catching the flu or competition, no stress and no nonsense...then you get (as my good friend likes to say) 'thrust into existence without anyone asking your opinion on the matter!

So we know that we can choose change, change can happen accidentally, as a matter of course (the world is constantly changing around us) or it can be 'thrust upon us', and yes this is a "when" not an "if" situation. We all like the term 'new beginnings' because it sounds nice, a fresh start in a new place with nice people, a new opportunity something good around the corner. The reality is that new beginnings cannot come about without change. Change is a word that can spell impending doom; for some it is a divorce, being made redundant, a death or even an election in an African country! Most people shy away from and even fear change not realising that through change, we find those novel moments that bring forth new beginnings, new hope and occasion to relies our dreams. The question is, when change comes do we take it head on and view it as a novel moment of opportunity and carpe diem (cease the day!) or do we shy away in fear? 

Unity in seeing

PhotoFriday Challenge contribution to 'Best Friends' 

Unity ~  The quality or state of not being multiple (oneness);a condition of harmony (one accord); continuity without deviation or change (as in purpose or action);  the quality or state of being made one (unification).

Seeing things differently does not necessarily mean that we are in discord. Consider the body; arms, legs, eyes, feet, mouth, ears...all so very different in sensing, being, acting and participating yet all in one accord. Why does the body work well? Well aside from the fact that it was designed by an intelligent creator; it has a sense of order and each part accepts the other for what it is and the part it plays. Your arm doesn't try to hear any more than your lips try to walk because each part is designed specifically to carry out its function and only in that role does it experience unity with the body and a sense of achieving its purpose.

People are the same in relation to one another. What may seem like an unlikely match may work exceptionally well if each party knows and works within their specific role / function.  Take my dear friend and her other half; they seem to me to argue constantly much like milk and oil they don't seem to have elements that allow them to blend much. If you didn't know them you would think it an ill match indeed! But, upon closer observation one can see that their relationship works even though they are so different. They see the world differently approach life issues differently and respond almost at odds to each other. However, the inner working of their relationship (based on their Christian faith) allows those differences to become complementary and their different ways of seeing provide them with a wider view than their individual narrower views would allow. Their differences draw them together on the basis  and understanding of their faith in love and they have created a new way of seeing as a unit (it doesn't always sound it but there is oneness there!) Being and extrovert does not mean that introverts will be the death of you! You might find that they bring you the balance that you lack... and introverts, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little outgoing would it?

My Uncle John (God bless him!) is in his latter years, a calm, chilled out sort of gentleman who is really an amazing person to know and talk to. Well, when I first met Uncle John as a teen, I was loud, spoke too quickly opinionated and a bit of a bible basher to be honest, basically a handful! So as you can guess an instant clash of personalities! Over the years we did not see much of each other until last year when we both became unwell and trying to recover. I went to visit him with my sister, (at this point I am old and wiser and less 'bashy' with my bible and more graceful). I had started taking pictures of landscapes and Uncle John is a lover of art so, you guessed it, common ground was found and the result is a most treasured friendship.

There are two ways to approach difference; either to reject what we don't know or can't understand like I did with Uncle John or find the unity in a new way of seeing as my two friends did. Uncle John and I got a second chance but not everyone does... 

As people we were created to be relational creatures, hence the constant need for affirmation, acceptance, belonging and love, without which we feel incomplete in some way... Looking beyond ourselves and seeking common ground opens us up to a whole new way of seeing through people we would not ordinarily have come into contact or clicked with. We also gain a new insight into our own lives, who we are, our prejudices, misconceptions and error in thinking... 

The principle is this; 'different' is not to be feared but embraced for it is the bedrock of opportunity for us to discover unity in new ways of seeing and open a whole new world to us... Just the way bonding with my dear uncle opened up the world of art and history to me...

Reach out to someone and be the difference!