Sunday, 17 October 2010

The Weekend in Black & White: African Vintage Style...

African 'vintage style...'


Cage of emotions

Writing Assignment from the Red Dress Club:
Brief: "Think of a person you don't like, and describe what you might say if you had to share an elevator ride together. Then describe what happens when the elevator breaks down. For six hours."
The cage.
'Oh No! Help! help! down here!!!! Please help...hel-p...Oh nooooooo! nooooooo! nooooooo this can't be happening!!! Noooooo....' 

[Silence fell in the tight darkened space. All cries for help echoing through space ascending and descending the elevator shaft...but no voice called back.]

{Well...here we are...alone in this cage that incarcerates us for only God knows how long...I shall not speak of things past, those painful things and the heart ache it brings...No...I cannot..will not even dare to think upon it...no...}

[Three hours pass...the silence is deafening...the undertone of emotions run high... temperatures soared as the dam of emotion broke within her and she could not help but give voice to her heart as it became awash to the point of drowning in its own tears...]

'Suffocated...
Desolate...
Displaced...
Imprisoned....
Rejected...

...yes, that is how you have made me feel all my life! how you make me feel now...

Almost. Yes almost is who I am...who I have always been to you...

Almost present...
Almost worthwhile...
Almost good enough...
Almost worth loving...
Almost worth hearing...
Almost what you want...
Almost worthy of your time...
Almost pretty enough to entice you...
Almost beautiful enough to captivate you...
Almost strong enough to support you...
Almost weak enough to need your strength...
Almost woman enough to hold your attention...

A...l...m...o...s...t... That is all you see when you look at me... 

Almost...is all you hear when the melody of my voice resounds in your ear...
ALMOST
Yet like an optical illusion your lips speak mockingly of my being worthy...what a woman I am...a wife and mother I would make...a partner, a shoulder, a friend... They speak of a place you have reserved just for me, a life you have designed with me in mind...A joy sweeter than the honey comb's first fruits...Then you look away, gazing into the distance...and with no more than a sigh you switch on me and your actions SCREAM...almost!

Why the disguise? The lip service that has no one fooled but foolishness itself? Why the words that are like a westerly wind, blowing my sail high and low turning me over to the point just before I capsize... Know you not that with every whispered word and screamed action, you defer my hope and make my heart sick? I've tried, oh yes I've tried to rationalise why? Yet I come up short and perplexed at how you make me dance through the mine field of emotions you present with a red bow tied around it and call it a gift of love... 

I look within for answers. Question who I am, or at least who I think I am; who the world says I am and try to reconcile it with who you say I am... 
The world says I am;
Beautiful... Intelligent... God fearing... Loving... Woman... Passionate... Kind-hearted... Maternal... Headstrong... Straightforward... Inspirational... Loveable... Compassionate... Driven... Funny... Silly... Demanding... Trusting... Worshipper... Energetic... Enthusiastic... Down-to-earth... Positive... Hopeful... Believing... Charismatic... Flexible...No-nonsense... Focused... Smart... Intuitive... Dreamer... Honest... Influential... Warm... Open minded... Fearless... Zany... Encouraging... Open-book... Friendly... Friend-for-live... 
But the books don't balance every time...Your 'almost' withdrawals are always so much more than any deposits of good will and well wishes the world can give me...


...almost...


[Three more hours pass then suddenly a voice...]

'Hello...hello, this is the rescue services, we are coming to get you. Can you let us know how many people are in the elevator? over'

'Hello! hello! please come quickly!!!! How many people?... Oh..th-here is just me...





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