Thursday, 22 July 2010

Order in chaos...

Image courtesy of the internet
Letting go of anything is something that I find really difficult. Whether they are material things (I'm a bit of a bag lady!) or emotional and relational.I am not the kind of person who can easily say goodbye or walk away from anything or anyone, my greatest strength and weakness all wrapped up in a neat bow I call sentiment... Before I can let go, one of two things has to take place, a great deal of soul searching and immense agonising or circumstances beyond my control. These are generally the driving factors for release, usually with the threat of derailment from life's plan if I don't! But never carelessly without deliberate and due consideration. Dramatic I know but that is literally how I feel about letting go / moving on / leaving things or people behind... 

The four hundred million dollar question the has got to be how do you know? How do you figure out what you do and don't want from life? How to you decided what to keep close to your heart and what to let go? The lessons life and faith have taught me in this area are few but most profound and when I heed to these, I never falter...

1. Don't get in over your head
In life we all come to a point where we have been in a situation so long that the word 'change' sounds like a swear word. Whether we have allowed ourselves to get used to living in boxes and general chaos or we are hitting the re-run phase of old dramas in old relationships, we need to keep treading water! It reminds me when I was five and my dad taught us how to swim. we started with the 'doggy paddle' which is effectively doing everything you can to keep your head above water and this is the first lesson, 'don't get in over your head!' You will need your head to resolve the issue or plan your exit strategy so don't lose it, whatever you do! This is not to promote clinical relationships or lifestyles, rather this gives you enough courage to be honest with yourself about your situation and at the very least make a choice about how you want things to play out. When you lose your head, you stop seeing things clearly and this is where you end up in situations that can be cancerous in nature to your own journey in life if left unchecked...so keep your head and wits about you.

2.Don't choke it
This is mainly a relational lesson, when it comes to love, don't choke it! There is a saying or a song I cannot remember, nevertheless its message is so true and still relevant today. It says that if someone truly belongs with you and you have their heart, you should not need to hold them so tight that you begin to choke them for fear that they will fly away...If they to fly off, the measure of your bond is in their returning to you. If they do return you know for sure that the love is real and true and worth it all...And if they do not, then they were never yours in the first place... This has probably been the most powerful of all of life's lessons for me and has saved my heart so much pain and disappointment of hearing empty words with no actions to prove their worth over the years and giving my heart on so little only to be hurt when that one flew away, never really understanding they were never mine. Ladies there is a great safety for us in this lesson, you see it is not what a man says that shows you he loves you and his  heart is yours, it is what he does to prove his words that gives you the evidence you need to let your heart go... So don't choke the one you have and see before you, if he wants to fly let them, after all it is the one who returns that you know is purposed to truly love you. 

3. Don't jinx it
 Sometimes we ruin things and relationships that could have been great, either by starting off on the wrong foot or by throwing ourselves in with no parachute. This is more common in relationships where the parties involved are on completely different pages or want different things from the relationship but they rush in without ever considering or discussing it and often these relationships end in tears. But it can be true of jobs and homes and many other areas in life when we allow ourselves to 'fall for' rather than 'allow' things to natural come to be...There is a scripture that talks of not awakening love before it pleases, that is what comes to mind when I think of this lesson. It simply means that a good or really great thing at the wrong time is wrong and will more often than not fail so it is necessary to allow for 'love to please'...

4. Don't be bound to it
Don't sell / bind your soul to anything! It is so easy to get so very attached to things and people very quickly whether or not they are good for you. Take the time necessary to study the situation, count the cost of what a commitment in that direction will demand of you and then make a conscious decision either way. This is necessary because when the storms of life come and all is going wrong, it will be too late to consider your choices then and as the saying goes, once you have made your bed you have to lie in it...thorns and all...

5. Don't close your eyes
It is so easy for us to get caught up in the moment, whether its shopping for that extra pair of shoes you have no room for, or meeting that person we instantly click with at the wrong time or with opposing desires. As we enter into any situation there are always a set of alarm bells and warning signs going off in and around your head and choosing to ignore these is what I am referring to here. Don't fool yourself in thinking that if you just focus on the fun and excitement and enjoy yourself, the underlying serious issues pertaining to your situation or set of circumstances will go away. The best example of this being debt. If you don't take notice of your bills, eventually you will get a red letter / final warning. If you ignore this, your debt could be sold off to a debt collector or you could end up in court, the result of which could be a larger fine than the original debt or sometimes even imprisonment! If you had taken note of the bills as they came in and addressed each as they came to light, your circumstances at the end would be completely different. The same principle is true in relationships...If you ignore the writing on the wall, the funeral at the end of a long bitter situation will be yours...

With these lessons in mind, no matter how hard I find it to let go and make changes where I need to, I have learnt that a little pain of loss at the beginning of a matter, is far better and kinder to the soul  than the heart wrenching, soul destroying prospects of ripping yourself from something / someone you have be so joined to that it has become a part of your DNA make up. The pain of the latter is my driving force when it comes to making those difficult decisions and learning to let go, maybe not of the things you don't want, but more the things you cant afford to keep for your own sake...



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