Wednesday, 28 July 2010

The Final Chapter...Beautiful lie...

After the somewhat tearful and heart wrenching reunion, it became painfully apparent that there was no material reason why they parted in the first place...The layers of miscommunication, pain and anger had clouded their love and left confusion and desolation where love once lived. Secretly within their hearts they knew that they were the perfect fit...soul mates... star crossed lovers who were destined to walk separate paths in different directions. Their journeys thus far had taken them through rough terrain, and a darkness that made loneliness seem like a room full of laughter and joy... 
Each had reached out to the nearest source of comfort setting their lives on a course that would reduce them to being like two ships passing in the night, going in opposite directions... They had lost each other once by chance that a chorus of descending voices spoke in union against them....Yet they had found one another once more, not as two strangers aged by the changing winds of time, but as those young lovers that had lived passionately, fought fiercely, loved loyally and finally parted destructively.... Their initial affectation melted away as the true story of their loss unravelled...Word by word, their barriers broke down, their sensibilities dissolved, their loyalties misdirected and their hearts began to beat as one once more...Resolve lost a utopian moment came one Friday. With the future ahead and many years of pain and separation behind them, they transformed into the young lovers that, having once lost what was seemingly all...had found each other once more. Their hearts intertwined and began to beat faster and aster as they shared hopes and dreams, laughter and the air of love that breathed into them, something unlike what their lives had brought in the interval since their parting... This love drew them in like a drug...the more they drank from the well of remembrance, the stronger their love appeared and the deeper they sank.

It seemed that this moment could last forever yet their paths were on such different courses, nothing short of a derailment or complete head on collision would be able to bring them back together again... She became distressed at the thought of this and even more so at the prospect of doing nothing, of letting go once more and letting true love slip from their fingers a second time...He spoke tenderly, imploring her to drink up the moments and feel the passion there in and just be in that...But she could not have only part of him, only stolen moments, no matter how passionate, when life relieved him of his normal use and duty. He could not bare to be without her at all and could only hope that if he could have these moments then his heart could remain revived and live with the hope that their paths would one day cross and indeed merge...He loved her still, more than he would admit to himself...more than she would ever believe. More than his duty and indeed his own sense of fear of the unknown and the distance between could ever allow him to show and feel...yet he could not let her go...slip away and leave him once more...no, that would not do. 

She began to draft her final love letter before she slipped into the night of disappearance where she thought she could do him no harm... She wrote,

Beautiful lie...breathing you in makes me feel alive...
Lost in the moment its easy to believe this will be eternally...
Earnestly seeking a way to free hope...
Lasting forever can a second chance really be...
Desperately firm yet crumbling still....
Gasping for a way that truth could reside...
Broken in one, there is place for resolve alone...
Darkness is falling yet no change comes...
Go not before but come behind...
See not the tears that pave the way...
Ending the sweet sweet hope of chance...
For your sake I send this parting song my love..
As I watch you fade away within this Beautiful lie...

Yet try as she may, she failed to walk away, failed to say goodbye...failed to leave her heart behind once more. So with failure fresh and sore, she turned to him to make the severing cut of the umbilical cord between them feeding their love. She pressed and she pressed, hoping in some way she could push him away but he would not be moved at first but seeing no way to resolution's road he took a position. Their love seemed only a short while before to be a distant dream, had now become this living breathing entity that was without description, motive or purpose but simply to be...No matter how hard she fought it, she felt it draw her in, more and more with each exchange, the sound of his voice, the way he paused, not hesitated, paused and took breath when he had to share truth with her that could hurt her...He had always protected her well, loved her completely and been resolute with his passion for her...she knew him well...She could see his inner conflict and knew in her heart that he would always decide the same no matter how much time had passed, she knew that he would choose family over their love once more...different circumstances, same choice...she had loved and admired him for this quality, always with the hope that one day it would be their family, her family he would choose above all, yet at this junction in life it was not to be...Part of her, the greater part that boasted of her faith and good breeding, will him to be a creature of habit in this matter as she knew it was the right choice certainly the second time around anyway...As the words failed him, and the pause came that fateful Sunday afternoon, her heart skipped a beat and she thought it might stop but as it beat once more she knew this time she was strong enough not to break down and cry and that in the end she would survive...Even the occasional contact when opportunity and time permitted was surely better that nothing at all she reasoned and it would be the right thing to do would it not? Yet the pain was no less and she felt no different to a drug addict facing rehab with no genuine desire to quit her habit...He walked away, in denial of his addiction, only knowing for sure that he must have her in his life one way or another...anyway in fact so long as she was never far from him again....Hoping secretly as she did, that one day an opportunity may arise whereby their paths may cross and marry, even on that last stretch of their journey towards eternity....


A short story 
by  RJ Nyangulu 

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